Knock Knock! I stood at the front, cleared my throat, choked back the tears, and said, "Plethora." Here are some of the best comebacks to shut them up: Who asked? is the age-old retort of the unhelpful and uninterested. 3. A slipper. Because below, we've put together a long list of the funniest jokes the internet has to offer. Robin who? We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. This response is funny because it allows you to really make the question asker seem stupid and you much smarter than them. What is the opposite of a croissant? Did you hear about the depressed plumber? 4. Thats the church I used to go to.. Be sure to check back with us soon for more funny jokes. But we both know that's not why you're here So, another option is to fire back with your own insult. It lightens the weights we carry in life, uplifts our moods, and bonds us to those we share in it with. What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce? Well, I'm not going to spread it. Sucka dick and let me in. Of course, you need to screw a light bulb. Andy Simmons is a features editor at Reader's Digest. This had the gang in the orchestra pit howling. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Whos there? Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? Unexpected sex is a great way to be woken up If youre not in prison. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #whendidiask, #whendidweask . Why are Penises the lightest things in the world? 36. Click here to learn more! They say you are what you eat, so lay off the nuts already. What do the Mafia and pussies have in common? A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Making love to a woman is like playing the violin. Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because every play has a cast. Because they're very good at it. Theyre clean, effective, and will leave the person asking the question wondering what just hit them. just ask them why they are so insecure about things. Youre probably dumb. When I was in junior high, the girls in my class would laugh at me or ask questions designed to embarrass me. You boil the hell out of it. What's the best thing about Switzerland? Close the door, I'm dressing. Pun lovers have been pondering what one thing said to another since almost the beginning of time. What do you call a pig that does karate? 31. Micro-waves. Never mind, its too long., Two goldfish are in a tank. This one works because it both acknowledges that you werent asked and draws focus to the fact that you actually did contribute helpful information to the conversation. What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills? Earbuds. Youre getting mayo all over my bed!, Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Ones pretty heavy and the others a little lighter. It is used in two parts, (when) which is used when some tells you something irrelevant, then when they continue you say did i ask? Why is Peter Pan always flying? This ability to anonymously put your thoughts out there for others to see leads people to frequently type and publish things they would NEVER say to someone's face. Because they're really good at it. Knock Knock. Con It is used in two parts, (when) which is used when some tells you something irrelevant, then when they continue you say did i ask? What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost? I used to be addicted to soap. All it was doing was gathering dust! Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. After five years your job will still suck. Answer (1 of 77): @Danny Margulies "Did I ask you?" * No, but maybe you SHOULD have. Unless youre just fed up with these types of comments and want to be rude. What did the buffalo say when his son left for school? He wanted to get a long little doggie. Learn about the best baby names out of Japan. var xhr = new XMLHttpRequest(); 24. He ate the pizza before it was cool. If your sense of humor tends to lean toward the goofy side of things, don't be ashamed. Thats not to say the images on this page will make you any smarter, but they may offer you some material you can use in a variety of ways. Best trade I've ever done! Mississippi. Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. It can be frustrating, and its often a difficult comeback to come up with. 9. If idiots grew on trees, this place would be an orchard. Explanation: Marxists oppose class structures. What did the leper say to the prostitute? Will glass coffins be a success? 2. What does it take to make an octopus laugh? I dont think its possible for me to become a sniper. I know because they told me. Why don't math majors throw house parties? Just another reason to moan, really. Always remember: Youre just as unique as everybody else. Oh, that? sniffs the castaway. I guess it's just not in the cards for me. Because they hit foul balls. 2. Where are average things manufactured? The batroom. No, the punchline comes before the setup when time travel is involved. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn't find any. They always take things literally. Never mind, it's over your head. This response works because it makes it seem like you dont really care what the question asker wanted. Person . Many are one-liners so you can remember them to share and share again, and your kids can retell them to their friends too, maybe even years later. This worked so well! By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Article continues below advertisement. Person 1: Knock-knock. Finding out it was traced. navigator.sendBeacon('https://www.google-analytics.com/collect', payload); Da brie was everywhere. 1. 1. When When When When When. Because he had a great fall. Cause your face looks kind of funky. I went out dressed like a chicken last night and I met a girl who was dressed like an egg. What did one cranberry say to another at Christmas? A termite walks into a bar and says, "So, is the bar tender here?". How do you make holy water? Why didn't the skeleton get a prom date? Be careful to whom you send these. Catch up! Explanation: By themselves, the musical notes C, E-flat, and G are simply tones, neither major nor minor. Theyre used to eating nuts. (stare them for a few seconds and continue with your story). 50 Dirty Comebacks and Insults to Win Every Argument, 25+ Baddie Comebacks Thatll Slay Any Situation, 32+ Sassy Comebacks Guaranteed to Silence Your Haters. The bear shrugged. My mate says I'm getting fat, but in my defense I've had a lot on my plate recently. Oh look! Read up on more bar jokes that are hilariously funny. What do you call a group of rabbits backing up? Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog? Now that youve learned 101 new short jokes to share with your friends, check out these classic Laffy Taffy jokes that will sweeten everyones day. The more you play with it, the harder it gets. She drops her pants and says, My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!, A boy says to a girl, So, sex at my place? Yeah! Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks were making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. 33. How do you stop a bull from charging? Whats the difference between a hippo and a zippo? Why do we like volcanoes? Furthermore, he has teaching experience from Aarhus University. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. Because he was always spotted. Get ready to grab your sides because they are about to hurt from all the laughter!These jokes and riddles for kids are best enjoyed and shared with loved ones. 14. GetReaders DigestsRead Up newsletterfor more humor, cleaning, travel, tech and fun facts all week long. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Such as bosses, future bosses, hopeful romantic partners, future in-laws, or random people on the street. I'll meet you at the corner. Whats the difference between attraction, love and showing off? Whos There? Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? 29. Explanation: Youve probably heard the saying If Ive told you once, Ive told you a thousand times. Well, consider this the math joke versionyou know, because math equations use letters in place of unsolved numbers. 35. If youre loving these clever jokes, youll get a kick out of these St. Patricks Day jokes youll want to share all year round. I don't know, and I don't care. Hey, havent we metaphor? Buy any 10 and get 50% off. Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. Whats a adult actress favorite drink? My gay friend got fired from the sperm bank because they caught him drinking on the job. Theres nothing worse than someone asking you a question and then responding with, who asked you?. This one is funny because it seemingly implies that you didnt even realize that they were part of the conversation, making them look dumb and unimportant. Every 'Who asked' copypasta. You know we always have the funniest jokes up our sleeve, whether youre searching for short jokes, corny jokes, or even bad jokes you cant help but chuckle at. My midget friend got thrown out of the nudist colony because he kept getting in everyones hair. Explanation: The French philosophers most famous line is I think, therefore I am. His least famous line: Is this seat taken?. Girl: Hey, whats up? Boy: If I tell you, will you sit on it?. READ THIS NEXT: 183 Jokes for Kids That Provide Good, Clean Fun. It usually confuses people first time hearing it but that's the point. No, but I could tell you needed my help. Life without women would be a pain in the butt, literally. jokes just never get old. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Why do we tell actors to "break a leg?" Neeeooooooow! If a woman talks dirty to a man, thatll be $6.50 a minute. I had to put my foot down. Your job still sucks. Check out these hilarious whats the difference between jokes. What do you call a fake noodle? 46. A $100 bill. For more information, please see our How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? OK, now you say, Control Freak who?. Check out these other why did the chicken cross the road? jokes for more laughs. Explanation: The setup of the joke calls for a To who? response, in which To is standing in for a person. They saw an abandoned log cabin and went inside. This joke makes light of changing churches. Used when someone brings up something irrelevant or not wanted in a conversation. In any case, a witty comeback will put the other person in their place and let them know that youre not going to take their crap. How did the hipster burn his mouth? I always tell new hires, Dont think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.. Just-in. How you respond when someone says something you dont like is entirely up to you. 10 1 More answers below Mason Chen Just a random teenager 4 y Related In many cases, these and the previously-suggested formulas are no more than conversational fillers; the direct approach of just asking the question you want to ask often is a better thing to do. if you were actually the one being rude and butted into a conversation you were not a part of, a clever or funny response is not appropriate and it would be best to say nothing and simply step away. The farmer had cold hands. Why don't sharks eat clowns? A meltdown. Shes going to eat me! If sex is a pain in the ass, then youre doing it wrong . 40. How do celebrities stay cool? Watch me pretend to care. Whats a foot long and slippery? Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks? Whos there? And funny in a way that like, opens your mind up even," says comedian Sean Patton. It is all about reading a room and assessing a situation when you have to decide between a clever or funny response. ThanksI'll never part with it. Get out of here! shouts the bartender. or, the ultimate classic, Knock knock? "Dick jokes, if you craft something amazing out of them, could be the funniest thing someone's ever heard. What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Because they're boy-ant. You can drop them off anywhere. Why was the guitar teacher arrested? 30. Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back? By using one of the comebacks from our list, you can shut down the person who asked without causing a scene. Knock Knock! Got a PS5 for my little brother. Tell me what you need, and Ill tell you how to get along without it since youre not that bright. Ask Google Assistant to go to a site in the Chrome app. Watch this video to find out the punchline and ad. King Henry the Second. Are you an adult? How do you embarrass an archaeologist? What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed? Answer: Audi Question : What is the quickest way to speed . 49. 30 Hoover Jokes & Puns Guaranteed to Make You LOL, 40 Moustache Jokes That Are A Cut Above The Rest, 30 Best Gnome Jokes & Puns Kids Will Love. What did the dog say when it sat on some sandpaper? 39. Banana Jokes. Waiter! Fish Lunch Box Jokes + Printable Cards. Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? Then it hit me. How do you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The sooner I shoot you, the sooner Ill get out of jail for it. The salesman asks him, "Do you want an aquarium?" The difference between "Ooooooh" and "Aaaaaah" is about three inches. Here are some dark jokes to check out if you have a morbid sense of humor. The other girlfriend grabs a paper towel and goes to hand it to her friend, but she trips and elbows her bestie right in the boob. 40. Joke has 83.83 % from 129 votes. The blonde goes and licks it and says nobody in this building. He wanted his quarter back. Here's the URL for this Tweet. Explanation: This ones full of nods to music: Chopin and Bach were composers, and a minuet is a type of dance (and the music that goes along with it). I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet. A lip reader. Please tell me this train of thought youre on has a caboose. This response is very clever because it makes it very clear that you contributed helpful information. Oral sex makes your day. Fuck you said. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. For fingering a minor. Id be fine if there werent so much blood in my alcohol system. He forgot to wrap his Whopper. We have picked some adult jokes for you to use. A horse walks into a bar. This one is funny because it implies that you werent paying attention to the question asker at all and didnt even realize they were talking to you when they asked did I ask you?. You wait here. He didn't have the guts to ask anyone. I said you look fat in those pants. Whos there? Share the best GIFs now >>> Alright, are you ready? How much space will free up in the EU after Brexit? Who Asked, Nobody Asked, and That's Crazy, But I Don't Remember Asking are expressions used to indicate a lack of interest in what another person has said or posted, similar to Cool Story, Bro. A golfer goes. Hmmm, I guess you can see how much I care over there (then point to an empty hallway or somethinh similar) then grin. One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" "Make me one with everything.". 20. An atheist, a Crossfitter, and a vegan walk into a bar. You might like: 22+ Witty Comebacks for Your Mom. If I promise to miss you, will you go, like, really far away? Beano Jokes Team. What did one light bulb say to the other light bulb on Valentines Day? "What's the good news?". A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. A Mississippi. Then, use one of the above witty comebacks to shut them down! Knock knock. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. Continue with Recommended Cookies, It has happened to all of us. A deodor-ant. Some are dead. Sharing is caring! "Ouch! How did the mathematician deal with his constipation? Such as bosses, future bosses, hopeful romantic partners, future in-laws, or random people on the street. We recommend our users to update the browser. What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes? 1Forrest1. A clever response shows that you are quick on your feet can be really smart. What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Hi! Oh, I didnt tell you? Here are over a dozen irreverent history jokes to share with your favorite history teacher or students. They lift them up and slam them on the ground. Cereal. Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common? While it may be tempting to give a rude comment a piece of your mind, doing so is unlikely to change the situation for the better. It needed help figuring out its problems. In his sleevies. Privacy Policy. Why was the nurse asking for a red pen? ? 45 lbs. Explanation: This works on a couple of levels: as wordplay (genes vs. jeans) and as scientific fact (genes can determine body shape). A Master Baiter. Tap To Copy. What's the best-smelling insect? If you loved this, youll get a kick out of these dog puns. Last Updated: June 16th 2022. How do you make a tissue dance? By the CBC Kids team August 15, 2017 | Last Updated April 08, 2022. Where does the general keep his armies? So read on for some of the funniest two-line jokes and quick quips around, and don't forget to pass them on to your equally immature friends. What did one Christmas tree say to another? The doctor replies, Sorry, I dont follow you . Whats the difference between a penis and a bonus? The only answer is to have some responses ready in your back pocket, responses that you can read below. As I mentioned, this page contains a list of funny question you can ask Cortana. In cases like this, we need some clever comebacks to put them in their place. What did one wall say to the other? . Bernadette. Easter Jokes + Printable Lunch Box Cards. Assuming that the average lifespan of all these people was 25, there has been around 2.7 trillion years of life, if we multiply this by the number of days in a year (365), there is a total of 985,500,000,000,000 . 11. One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" The other guy replies, "You're on the other side!" Get ready: Some of what's to come is quite punny. Because they use a honeycomb. If you have a great hand, you dont need a partner. Well, they're not laughing now! Explore the latest videos from . What did the big flower say to the little flower? My son asked me what its like to be married so I told him to leave me. Cookie Notice He has six years of experience in professional communication with clients, executives, and colleagues. As soon as you open it, you realize its half empty. How did the pig get to the hogspital? Shhhh, the adults are talking, so please keep quiet. 2. A priest and a nun were on a mission trip up in the mountains when a snowstorm Came up. Dont make me come in there! If a moldy dIck had a face, it would have yours . Check out these funny one-liners that will give you the biggest laughs from the fewest words. Whats long, hard and erects stuff? Me: *to the person I was talking to* Why did God give men penises? You would not use any of these if you werent: Well, these joke are silly, but still funny: Jokes about sex are eternal. Is it in?. The sheer awkwardness of the situation should set in eventually and the person will walk away. Whos there? You planet. With a little creativity and quick thinking, you can defuse the who asked bomb and keep the conversation going. Why arent koalas actual bears? Your parents didnt ask for you, but here we are. How do celebrities stay cool? 4. What did one pencil say to the other pencil? Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up. Every once in a while, we come across somebody who just doesnt seem to care about anything no matter what we say. Well, if this is what they ask, here are some examples of witty comebacks you can use: "You've got very short hair, are you a lesbian?". A submarine. 39. Is everyone else here a jerk? He just can't part with it. What did the penis say to the vagina? According to Mason, expose them to as much as possible and that includes jokes. How is life like a penis? Once. Not to mention, it can also keep the kids busy while you're busy. Following that logic, this rhetorical joke doesnt have an answer either. What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? Kid 2: "You will in about nine months.". After all, its tempting to put people in their place when theyre being needlessly rude, especially if you think theyre wrong. If youve ever been in situations where you say something, and someone says, did I ask and you dont know how to respond, these did i ask comebacks will serve you well. Why do women have orgasms? "I'm a. Airplane Jokes for Kids. One thing led to another and the lifelong question was answered: it was the chicken. Later they get together. Copy it to easily share with friends. Why don't chickens play baseball? But grammatically speaking, whom is the object of the verb to., If Ive told you n times, Ive told you n+1 times. What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? Whats worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? The dont meet the koalafications. Explanation: Dreipronounced dryis German for three. Neinpronounced nineis German for No. Dieser witz stinkt is German for This joke stinks.. Because you should never drink and derive. I can totally keep secrets. 35) A couple gets married, and on their wedding night, the wife asks what a penis is. Must be none of your business then. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. A friend of mine went bald years ago but still carries around an old comb. Example of When did I ask? What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? 47. Not being a retard. Two peanuts were walking down the street. What did the card say when he didn't end up getting through the job interview? Take my advice its not like Im dumb enough to. You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees? We suppose you belong to those daredevils. Because the queen reigned there for decades. They went up by a, Two cows are grazing in a field. Because the P is silent! This is a funny response that puts the focus on the other person. Because they taste funny. When someone asks did I ask you, you have only a moment to decide whether to be clever or funny. The actor is still close with some of her onscreen family. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? Her face was flush with love. All Rights Reserved. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it comes from. 4. "no one asked" The redhead says it looks like cum. I wonder how many people are in that field. Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. * No, you didn't. What's your point? Apple Jokes. Low flying airplane noises! What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college? We dont serve your type.. 11. With Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Did I Ask animated GIFs to your conversations. What did one plate say to the other plate? What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? A cheese factory exploded in France. As a scarecrow, people say Im outstanding in my field. 0 views, 0 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 0 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from BriannaPlayz: Escaping 100 Layers of ICE vs Crayons! That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes. } 2022 Galvanized Media. Answer: A Diamond Question: What did the cowboy say went he went into the car showroom in Germany? You planet. They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Even thoughts can raise them. One looks at the other and says, You know how to drive this thing?!. Here's your ultimate list of 100 plus why jokes and puns that is sure to tickle your ribs. Because there were a lot of knights. What do a guy and a car have in common? I dont think so. What's black and white and goes round and round? A funny response can be to pretend to not understand the question. Robin you, now hand over the cash. Jokes with one of my friends about the communists in ww2 (Soviets) Ended up with him being somewhat offended or at the very least didn't understand the joke. The difference between Ooooooh and Aaaaaah is about three inches. How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? But, first, what do people mean by did I ask you?. The guy responds, "I don't care what star sign it is!". I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy and my face smashes right into the mirror. Wait. Not all men are annoying. Just stare blankly at the person who asked you that and say nothing. A Maybe. "Make me one with everything." 2. 6. Once a girl looked at me and shouted loudly, I don't want to sit next to her! By using one of the comebacks from our list, you can shut down the person who asked without causing a scene. What did the banana say to the vibrator? *wink*. Youre bootiful, fancy going for a walk?! Im taking this shit to a whole new level. Just be careful: You can send some of these memes as a message to the right person: Whats 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild? He's all right now. Why do vegetarians give good head? Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? There's a time and a place for well-crafted, sophisticated, complex jokes that you have to have a certain level of knowledge or experience to even get. Explanation: Photons are particles representing an amount of light. If you want to find out who loves you more, stick your wife and dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. Explanation: Youd have to be insane to jump off a bridge and into the Seine, the river that runs through Paris. You wait here, I'll go on ahead. Here are 45 of his best (and cringe-inducing) jokes from previous shows and appearances, and The Office: Warning: adult humour follows "Where there's a will - there's a relative!"